1 00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:04,091 . 2 00:00:04,134 --> 00:00:05,962 [bright piano music] 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,181 - "Will and Grace" is recorded 4 00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:09,226 in front of a live studio audience. 5 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,230 - We feel asleep. 6 00:00:13,274 --> 00:00:14,797 Oh, my God, we fell asleep. Grace, Grace. 7 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,581 [vacuum whirs] Ah! 8 00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:18,148 Hit off. Off. 9 00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:19,323 - [shouts] - Hit the off button. 10 00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:20,846 - I don't know how to! 11 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,718 [vacuum shuts off] 12 00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:25,547 - There goes the few chest hairs I had left. 13 00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:30,160 - Well, they were gray, so you're welcome. 14 00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:32,162 - Come on, Jenny's gonna be here any second. 15 00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:33,946 I want the place to look nice for her. 16 00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:36,297 - Jenny? - My surrogate. 17 00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,646 Can you at least pretend 18 00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:39,300 that you've been listening to me for the last year? 19 00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:42,912 - I was pretending! 20 00:00:42,955 --> 00:00:46,089 And besides, I'm tired. 21 00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,830 - Grace, we're gonna be parents. 22 00:00:47,873 --> 00:00:49,310 We got to learn how to-- 23 00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:53,270 how to have energy for longer than four hours in a row. 24 00:00:53,314 --> 00:00:55,881 - But--but... 25 00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:57,883 TV. 26 00:00:57,927 --> 00:00:59,407 - No. 27 00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:02,018 Our kids are gonna be running around, getting into things. 28 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,587 Their dopey, whiny friends will be dropping by at all hours. 29 00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:09,156 - [groans] I hate my life. 30 00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:11,114 Once again, it's my mother's birthday, 31 00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:12,420 and I have no idea what to get her. 32 00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:14,030 - Just don't try and be cute. 33 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,380 Once, I told my mom I was her gift. 34 00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:19,514 She asked if I came with a receipt. 35 00:01:19,557 --> 00:01:21,385 - You thought that was cute? 36 00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:25,824 I don't know-- maybe my mom will like this 37 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:29,219 overpriced coffee table or this stupid bar cart 38 00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:32,483 or that Asian baby humping a fish. 39 00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:35,051 - He is not humping a fish. 40 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:38,750 They are spooning. It's sweet. 41 00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:41,275 We don't have time for other people's problems right now. 42 00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:44,147 - Make time. I've got a problem. 43 00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,583 My jeweler-- 44 00:01:45,627 --> 00:01:49,935 and I can say that because "Jew" is in the name-- 45 00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:52,982 has informed me that a ring I was having reset 46 00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:55,463 has been delivered by mistake to the manse. 47 00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:58,074 [sighs] Now I got to go over there and get it. 48 00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,423 Jackie, will you come with me? 49 00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:03,123 I can't face Stan's neck rolls by myself. 50 00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,777 - Kar, I wish I could. 51 00:02:05,821 --> 00:02:07,127 But I have to figure out 52 00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:08,780 what to get my mother for her birthday. 53 00:02:08,824 --> 00:02:11,305 I can't just go to your house full of precious doodads 54 00:02:11,348 --> 00:02:14,699 and priceless old-lady whatnots there for the taking. 55 00:02:15,918 --> 00:02:18,703 [both gasp] 56 00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:25,493 - Poodle, did you just get your chocolate in my peanut butter? 57 00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:31,586 - I think I did. 58 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,459 [door closes] 59 00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:37,983 - Okay, come on, we got to finish cleaning up. 60 00:02:38,027 --> 00:02:39,463 - Sounds good. 61 00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:42,205 I'm gonna go clean my pillow with my head. 62 00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,209 [vacuum whirs] 63 00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:49,169 [upbeat trumpet and piano music] 64 00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:56,306 ♪ 65 00:02:57,873 --> 00:03:00,223 - Yeah, the pregnancy really hasn't slowed me down at all. 66 00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:01,311 - Really? 67 00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:02,878 You're not cranky and nauseous 68 00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:06,142 and one foot isn't swollen, like, a lot more than the other 69 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:10,015 so you have to borrow a bigger left shoe from a friend? 70 00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:12,714 - No, never. 71 00:03:12,757 --> 00:03:14,933 - Yeah, me neither. 72 00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:18,154 - Okay, you guys ready to play some games? 73 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,200 Why is my left shoe so loose? 74 00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:24,334 - Thank you guys for letting me stay here. 75 00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:25,553 I really didn't want to be 76 00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:26,989 at my apartment while they painted it. 77 00:03:27,032 --> 00:03:28,904 You know, the fumes could be bad for the baby. 78 00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,035 - Of course, of course. 79 00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,689 - Oh, you guys. 80 00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:34,736 This is just like spending the weekend with my grandparents. 81 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,349 - Now, that is sobering. 82 00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:41,221 - You think of us like your grandparents? 83 00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,613 - No, no, no, no. [scoffs] 84 00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:47,227 Obviously, you're much younger than... 85 00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:49,446 You're younger than them. 86 00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:50,447 - You had to count? 87 00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:51,796 - Okay, okay, look, 88 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:55,583 I know that we might be a little on the old side, 89 00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:58,977 but we are still pretty cool. 90 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,242 We play games. 91 00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:04,287 Yahtzee, Heads Up!, 92 00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:06,333 Perquackey. 93 00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:09,423 - It's about to get lit. 94 00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:10,815 - Okay, look, 95 00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:12,382 this--this weekend we're taking care of you, 96 00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:13,775 so what do you want to do tonight? 97 00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:16,299 - Well, my friend texted me about seeing a band. 98 00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,301 - Oh, we love live music. 99 00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:21,304 We listen to it all the time on Google. 100 00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:22,914 Let's--let's go. 101 00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:25,090 - Now? It's--it's 8:30. 102 00:04:25,134 --> 00:04:26,483 - Grace? - Oh, no, she's right. 103 00:04:26,527 --> 00:04:29,747 Doors won't open for a few more hours. 104 00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:31,140 - But... 105 00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:33,534 TV. 106 00:04:33,577 --> 00:04:35,579 - You guys don't have to go. 107 00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:38,669 - Of course we do. You want to go, we want to go. 108 00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:40,192 - Cool. 109 00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:41,977 - So who are we seeing? - An experimental noise band. 110 00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:44,109 - Oi, gevalt. 111 00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:46,721 - Noise? 112 00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,113 My favorite. 113 00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:49,898 We should go--we should go early to get good seats. 114 00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:52,988 - [chuckles] There's no seats, but there is a mosh pit. 115 00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:58,776 - So we'll be standing... 116 00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:00,517 after 8:30? 117 00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:07,307 I'm gonna need your shoe. 118 00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:10,962 . 119 00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:13,095 [bright piano music] 120 00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:15,358 - My old key still works. [chuckles] 121 00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,273 Guess nothing's changed. 122 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,927 - Wow. 123 00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:21,582 I forgot how fancy this place is, Kar. 124 00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:24,411 - Well, you know what I always said about the manse-- 125 00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:26,238 it's not home, 126 00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:28,240 but it's much. 127 00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:33,028 Four milkshakes? 128 00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:36,118 Stan usually only has three. 129 00:05:36,161 --> 00:05:39,991 And this one doesn't have chicken in it. 130 00:05:41,079 --> 00:05:42,603 I someone else here? 131 00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:44,431 ["Dragnet" theme] 132 00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:49,914 - It's my mom. 133 00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:55,877 What is it, Mother? 134 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,095 No, I'm not getting you 135 00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:59,924 leather pants for your birthday. 136 00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:03,406 Because you can't pull them off. 137 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:07,192 No, I mean you literally can't pull them off. 138 00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:08,759 And don't ask me again to help you. 139 00:06:08,803 --> 00:06:11,762 Fool me once. 140 00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:13,590 All right, stop talking. I have to go. 141 00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:14,809 I have to go! 142 00:06:14,852 --> 00:06:18,160 I'm--I'm at a fancy store shopping for you. 143 00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:20,902 - Jackie, this glass has lipstick on it. 144 00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:23,470 Do you think Stan's seeing someone? 145 00:06:23,513 --> 00:06:24,949 ["Dragnet" theme] 146 00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:27,125 - [groans] I'm sending her to voice mail. 147 00:06:27,169 --> 00:06:29,737 That's impossible, Karen. Who could ever take your place? 148 00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:31,216 - Hey, guys. 149 00:06:40,835 --> 00:06:42,532 - Huh--what--Val? 150 00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:45,143 What the hell are you doing in my house? 151 00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:47,972 And why are you wearing my shower curtain? 152 00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:49,713 - I live here now. 153 00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:53,369 Stan and I are lovers. 154 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:57,155 - Have you even been reinforced? 155 00:06:57,199 --> 00:07:00,115 - It's a sweet, sweet story, really. 156 00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:04,162 I was in the park trying to coax a rabbit into my purse. 157 00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:07,252 I saw Stan buying a hot dog... 158 00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:08,732 cart. 159 00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:11,996 And you know how he always makes that wheezing sound? 160 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,345 Well, I told him I could help him. 161 00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:15,478 I'm a licensed breath-ologist now. 162 00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:18,002 - That makes sense, yeah. - Of course you are. 163 00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:19,830 - Anyhow, I gave him my card. 164 00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:23,094 One thing led to another and now we're boyfriend-girlfriend. 165 00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:26,576 - I do love a meat-cart-cute. 166 00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:27,969 - Look, Val, 167 00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,492 if you want to play house 168 00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:32,495 with my house of an ex-husband, have at it. 169 00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:34,018 I just want my ring back. 170 00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:37,935 - Ooh, yeah. Sorry, I can't. 171 00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:40,503 See, it got delivered here, and Stan said, 172 00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,549 "You're my girlfriend now, so you should have it." 173 00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:46,944 And he did it all in one breath just like I taught him. 174 00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:50,034 But, guys, it was so fun to see you. 175 00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:52,384 I miss you two fruity-doos. 176 00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:57,128 But could you please leave now before I have to call security? 177 00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:03,178 - Are you okay, Kar? 178 00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:06,224 I mean, Stan and Val? 179 00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:08,705 Val? 180 00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:10,272 Crazy Val? 181 00:08:10,315 --> 00:08:11,534 Stalker Val? 182 00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:13,057 Insurance Fraud Val? 183 00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:15,495 - Oh, stop making her sound fun. 184 00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:19,803 I got to get my ring back. 185 00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:23,459 Stan gave it to my the night we bought our first election. 186 00:08:25,113 --> 00:08:27,550 - I didn't realize it had so much sentimental value. 187 00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,160 - Honey, you got to help me get it back. 188 00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:30,858 But Val's no dummy. 189 00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:32,555 Whatever plan we come up with 190 00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:35,645 is gonna require subtlety and nuance. 191 00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:41,346 How do we look? 192 00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:46,090 - Like both community college and porn were too hard for you. 193 00:08:46,134 --> 00:08:48,919 - You're not just saying that? 194 00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:51,922 And now for the final touch-- 195 00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:54,577 eau deminimum wage. 196 00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,928 ♪ 197 00:08:57,972 --> 00:09:00,104 - Hey, sorry I had to bail early. 198 00:09:00,148 --> 00:09:03,543 It was just getting to be past their bedtime. 199 00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:06,546 Yeah, no. I know it's only 11:30. 200 00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,156 - [loudly] What a fun night. 201 00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:12,464 The experimental noise was very loud, though. 202 00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:14,031 - Yes, I know. 203 00:09:14,075 --> 00:09:17,557 And the band really appreciated it when you told them that. 204 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:21,082 - Thanks. They're not real diamonds. 205 00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:25,652 - Will, are you okay? 206 00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:29,220 - I think it was a mistake to twerk. 207 00:09:29,264 --> 00:09:31,832 - Yeah, for a lot of reasons. 208 00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:36,488 - I don't think you should have twerked...for a lot of reasons. 209 00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:40,231 - Look, why don't you two go lie down? 210 00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:41,842 I'm gonna get my stuff out of your room. 211 00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:44,584 - Oh, no, no, Grace and I can sleep in her bed. 212 00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:46,107 It'll be just like when we dated, 213 00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:49,197 except this time I won't be faking an injury. 214 00:09:50,851 --> 00:09:51,982 - That was fun. 215 00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,505 - Yeah, it really keeps you young. 216 00:09:53,549 --> 00:09:55,899 - What? - I said, "Keeps you young." 217 00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,597 - They're not real diamonds. 218 00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:01,078 . 219 00:10:01,122 --> 00:10:04,081 [bright piano music] 220 00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:16,224 - You have until the count of three... 221 00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,400 thousand to cut that out. 222 00:10:18,443 --> 00:10:19,444 [laughs] 223 00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:21,925 One, one and a half-- 224 00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:24,101 [bell ringing] 225 00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:27,627 - Fix your ties, swallow your pride. 226 00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:29,629 She's coming. 227 00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:31,413 - Hey, you guys. 228 00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:34,895 Oh, look at you all so serious. 229 00:10:34,938 --> 00:10:38,855 I need somebody to volunteer to come to my boudoir, 230 00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:40,988 check all the closets for monsters, 231 00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:42,554 and tuck me in. 232 00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:45,645 There's an extra caramel in it for anyone who has teeth. 233 00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:48,299 Sorry, Margot. 234 00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:49,518 - [British accent] I'll do it. 235 00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:51,433 - I'm sorry. I don't remember you. 236 00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:53,174 - I'm Eliza. 237 00:10:53,217 --> 00:10:54,697 - And what do you do, Eliza? 238 00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:58,179 - Mm, this and that. Buns and nickels. 239 00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:01,835 This is my friend... 240 00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:05,012 - [British accent] Oliver. 241 00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:09,103 - [groaning] 242 00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:10,974 Ow. 243 00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:13,455 - [groans] 244 00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,587 Ugh. 245 00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:17,198 - Why are you moaning, too? 246 00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:20,070 - I had two non-alcoholic beers at that club. 247 00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:24,945 I got none of the buzz and all of the gas. 248 00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:27,295 Plus, I am freezing. - What? 249 00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:28,731 It's a thousand degrees in here. 250 00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:29,950 I'm taking this cover off. 251 00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:33,954 - I would not lift that up if I were you. 252 00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:35,346 - [normal voice] This should knock her out. 253 00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:36,347 Then we can grab the ring. 254 00:11:36,391 --> 00:11:37,566 - [normal voice] Okay. 255 00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:39,786 Ooh, what'd you use? Deep Sleeps, Orange Fog? 256 00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:42,789 - Who knows? I just shook out my purse. 257 00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,573 Now, to cover our tracks, 258 00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,662 we may have to change our identities, 259 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,882 burn off our fingerprints, and go underground. 260 00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:50,318 Or... 261 00:11:50,361 --> 00:11:53,234 we can just not make that big of a deal out of it. 262 00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:54,714 - Darn, in my head, 263 00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:58,282 I already changed my identity to Johnny Cox. 264 00:11:58,326 --> 00:11:59,501 He's a retired porn star 265 00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:02,243 who found the Lord but kept his stage name. 266 00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:03,287 - Come in. 267 00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:06,029 - Hey. Can I get you guys anything? 268 00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:08,249 - Yeah, can you get another blanket from the closet? 269 00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:09,990 But not the gray one-- it makes me itch. 270 00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,774 And not the red one 'cause it makes me sneeze. 271 00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:12,949 And can you take the tray? 272 00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:16,039 - Grace... she's our guest, not our nurse. 273 00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,388 - It's fine. 274 00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,608 I'll get another blanket, I'll take the tray, 275 00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:20,957 and if you need to go to the restroom 276 00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:22,785 before you go to sleep, I will take you there. 277 00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:25,701 - I don't need anybody's help to go the bathroom. 278 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,138 I can do that myself. 279 00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:34,754 ♪ 280 00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:36,277 - [British accent] Begging your pardon, ma'am, 281 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:40,455 but wouldn't you have a glass of warm strawberry milk? 282 00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:43,850 - [British accent] Straight from the strawberry cow's teat. 283 00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,416 - You guys are so good for me. 284 00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:48,332 And thank you for remember that I'm on an all-dairy diet. 285 00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:53,903 - Oop, every last drop. [chuckles] 286 00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,996 - You know, I've always had problems sleeping, 287 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,824 and I've tried everything. 288 00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:03,304 I've tried meditating, 289 00:13:03,347 --> 00:13:06,089 shoplifting, cutting other people's nails, 290 00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:08,744 and, finally, finally, I stumbled on the one thing 291 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,572 that really helps. 292 00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,356 - [normal voice] Oh! 293 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,054 - [normal voice] She's out. - Well, wake her up. 294 00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:15,751 I want to know what helped her sleep. 295 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,535 - What? Get her on the bed. 296 00:13:17,579 --> 00:13:22,192 - I can't lift her by myself. She's full of dairy. 297 00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:23,280 - I'll get her legs. 298 00:13:23,324 --> 00:13:24,716 - Yeah, okay. - Okay, okay, okay. 299 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:25,892 - Okay, get her to the bed. 300 00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:26,849 - To the bed, to the bed, to the bed. 301 00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:28,372 - Wait. What? - [grunts] 302 00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:30,940 [straining] 303 00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,942 It's like being back at Sarah Lawrence. 304 00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:36,119 Okay. [straining] 305 00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:39,819 ♪ 306 00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,559 - Can you go a little faster? 307 00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:43,735 It's like watching a tree die. 308 00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:51,134 - This soup smells really terrible. 309 00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:53,006 - I know, right? 310 00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:01,449 - Wait, wait, wait. Ow! - Let's just--Whoa! 311 00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:02,798 [knock at door] 312 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,539 - Ma'am, are you all right? I heard a thud. 313 00:14:04,582 --> 00:14:06,236 - [British accent] Must be in your head. 314 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,978 It could be a tumor. 315 00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:10,850 - [British accent] You should see a doctor. 316 00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:13,940 But stay in network. 317 00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:18,248 [normal voice] Oh, okay. 318 00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,468 [stutters] 319 00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:21,643 [strains] 320 00:14:21,686 --> 00:14:23,297 It's stuck. I'll get some soap. 321 00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:24,820 - [normal voice] What if there's no liquid soap? 322 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,866 ["Dragnet" theme] 323 00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:30,086 - We'll just cut her finger off. 324 00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:31,348 Okay. 325 00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:33,785 - Mother, I can't talk now. I'm under a woman. 326 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,790 Why does that make you happy? 327 00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:41,054 What? Are you-- 328 00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:43,926 No, I'm not taking you on a cruise for your birthday. 329 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,146 What, and spend ten days rubbing your belly 330 00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:48,713 'cause you ate too much pineapple? 331 00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,367 No. That's a hard pass. 332 00:14:56,504 --> 00:14:58,506 - So strange being back here. 333 00:14:58,549 --> 00:15:00,856 Different but the same. 334 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,684 They changed my medicine cabinet 335 00:15:02,727 --> 00:15:04,904 into a Pilates studio. 336 00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:08,342 - Know what, Kar? 337 00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:11,127 This feels kind of nice. 338 00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:15,305 If women kept their clothes on, I could be straight. 339 00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:20,267 - [grunts] I got it. I got it. 340 00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,878 - What's going on? 341 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,708 Did I take a milk nap? 342 00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:28,188 - Go back to sleep. Okay. 343 00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:30,277 - What happened to your accent? 344 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,800 - Oh, I assimilated. 345 00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:34,977 Got my GED and said good-bye to my health care. 346 00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,371 - And I was never British. 347 00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:39,199 ♪ 348 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:41,288 . 349 00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:43,594 [bright piano music] 350 00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:45,945 - You did it, Kar. You got what you came for. 351 00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,816 - Yeah. 352 00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:49,122 - What's the matter? 353 00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,037 You got that happy-sad look, 354 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,734 like when you see a waiter fall 355 00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:56,433 but then realize they were carrying your drink. 356 00:15:57,826 --> 00:16:01,351 - It's this inscription-- "Forever yours." 357 00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,875 - Stan had that inscribed for you, huh? 358 00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:06,791 - But we didn't last forever, did we? 359 00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,097 [sighs] 360 00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:09,446 Stan's not mine anymore 361 00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:12,014 and this isn't mine anymore either. 362 00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:14,060 None of this is. 363 00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:15,670 - But you had a whole life here. 364 00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:18,455 - My life is somewhere else now. 365 00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:21,458 I'm not even sure this place brings me joy anymore. 366 00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:22,503 Boo! 367 00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:28,161 [both laughing] 368 00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:33,340 - [sighs] Funny is funny, right? 369 00:16:35,951 --> 00:16:37,953 - Not another step, you two. 370 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,737 both: It was her idea. 371 00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:41,826 - Karen, Jack, 372 00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:44,307 were you gonna leave without saying good-bye? 373 00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:46,005 - How'd you know it was us? 374 00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:49,399 - Your faces. 375 00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:50,922 Gosh, I had so much fun 376 00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:55,057 playing make-'em-ups and getting drugged by you. 377 00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:56,232 I'm glad you got your ring back. 378 00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:59,235 It's obviously super important to you. 379 00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:01,324 - Thanks Val, but... 380 00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:02,760 I don't want it. 381 00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:03,979 It belongs to you. 382 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,067 - Oh, no. I can't take it. 383 00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,287 Stan got it for you. 384 00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:09,028 And if I want something really nice on my hands, 385 00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:12,683 I can just ask him to buy me fancy ring pops. 386 00:17:14,337 --> 00:17:17,036 Besides, I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship. 387 00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:19,342 - You think of me as a friend? 388 00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:21,910 - You're, like, my best friend. 389 00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:23,172 Best human friend. 390 00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:26,088 - You think of me as human? 391 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,003 - Kind of. 392 00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:33,008 - Well, if neither of us wants the ring 393 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,270 what should we do with it? 394 00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:37,143 ["Dragnet" theme] 395 00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:40,363 ♪ 396 00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:42,191 - Yeah. No, Mother, that's right. 397 00:17:42,235 --> 00:17:45,194 I had it inscribed just for you. 398 00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:47,675 Well, I meant it. 399 00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,068 I am... 400 00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:52,114 forever yours. 401 00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:54,334 [sighs] 402 00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:55,900 No, Mother, I'm married now. 403 00:17:55,944 --> 00:18:00,775 I'm never moving home. My only plan B is death. 404 00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:02,255 What do you mean where are you gonna wear it? 405 00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:03,560 How about anywhere? 406 00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:05,214 You're a 77-year-old knockout 407 00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:07,042 with a high arch and your own hair! 408 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,131 Live it! 409 00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:11,829 And, Mom... 410 00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:14,876 happy birthday. 411 00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,878 - Okay, I'm back. 412 00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:19,663 - Everything go okay in there? You were gone for a half hour. 413 00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:21,796 - I had to lean up against the tile for a while till the-- 414 00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:23,624 till the spasms went away, but-- 415 00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:26,105 but I'm good as-- [groans] 416 00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:27,715 - Will you go lie down, please? 417 00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:30,196 - [scoffs] This is crazy. You're having my baby. 418 00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:32,241 I'm supposed to be taking care of you. 419 00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:33,634 Are you--are you hungry? 420 00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:37,116 If you give me six hours, I can get to the kitchen. 421 00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:38,682 - No, just get in bed. 422 00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:41,120 You're as stubborn as my grandpa. 423 00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:42,469 This side. 424 00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:46,125 - Move over. - [scoffs and grumbles] 425 00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,127 Oh, and it was perfect. 426 00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:50,477 - [groans] 427 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,740 No wonder we remind you of your grandparents. 428 00:18:52,783 --> 00:18:55,743 We're basically skeletons having babies. 429 00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:58,441 - But isn't having kids gonna keep us young? 430 00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:00,661 Isn't that something people say? 431 00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:02,750 - It's something liars say. 432 00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:05,753 [stutters] 433 00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:07,972 We're gonna be exhausted and frail, 434 00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:11,150 and we won't understand any of their weird music 435 00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:12,760 or technology. 436 00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:16,807 - I don't understand any of our technology. 437 00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:19,723 How are we grandparents before we're even parents? 438 00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:22,248 - No, when I said you guys reminded me of my grandparents, 439 00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:24,293 I meant that as a compliment. 440 00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:27,035 My mom worked three jobs. My dad left when I was little. 441 00:19:27,078 --> 00:19:29,646 My grandparents pretty much raised me. 442 00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:32,562 - But they were active grandparents, right? 443 00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:36,000 Like, the ones 444 00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:38,699 who have snowball fights in the Celebrex ads? 445 00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:39,700 - Mm-mm. 446 00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:41,180 No, they hardly left the couch, 447 00:19:41,223 --> 00:19:44,487 but they were kind, and they knew how the world worked. 448 00:19:44,531 --> 00:19:45,706 And when I had hard days-- 449 00:19:45,749 --> 00:19:47,751 and I had a lot of really hard days-- 450 00:19:47,795 --> 00:19:49,927 they would let me sleep right in between them 451 00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:51,755 where I knew I was safe. 452 00:19:51,799 --> 00:19:56,064 That's what a kid needs, not someone to twerk with. 453 00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:58,284 - You're not gonna let me forget that, are you? 454 00:19:58,327 --> 00:19:59,676 - Never. 455 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,070 And if you do, I have a video. 456 00:20:02,113 --> 00:20:03,854 - Oh, good. 457 00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:05,639 - You guys are gonna be great parents. 458 00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:07,162 - Thanks. - That means a lot. 459 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,556 - All right, good night, guys. Get some rest. 460 00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:11,601 - Um, you know, there's room for one more in here. 461 00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:13,255 - Really? - Yeah. 462 00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:16,476 You'll be sleeping in a sea of crumbs and used dental floss, 463 00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:17,999 but you'll get used to it. 464 00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:20,480 - He's joking. 465 00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:22,569 I don't floss. 466 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,357 - Ahh... - [groans] 467 00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:32,709 - Aw. This is so nice. 468 00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:35,234 And this duvet is so comfortable. 469 00:20:35,277 --> 00:20:38,367 - I got a good deal. 470 00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:40,587 Of course, this was in the '90s, 471 00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:44,504 so things were much cheaper then. 472 00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:47,550 You could get a cup of coffee for a dollar. 473 00:20:47,594 --> 00:20:48,725 - Shut up. 474 00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:51,293 - You could see a movie for five. 475 00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:53,382 - That's crazy. 476 00:20:53,426 --> 00:20:57,430 This reminds me of this one time I was at my grandparent's. 477 00:20:57,473 --> 00:20:59,432 It was the middle of winter. 478 00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:02,130 I'd been playing in the snow all day. 479 00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:05,960 My grandma made me a cup of hot cocoa. 480 00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:09,659 [both snoring] 481 00:21:09,703 --> 00:21:12,271 - [groans] Damn. 482 00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:14,447 The lights. 483 00:21:19,452 --> 00:21:21,976 Wow, they are old.